Open Mind, Open Arms....

Never let someone with little perspective guide you away from your passion. Next time you have a conversation with someone who doesn't understand why you are doing what you are doing, try to understand their perspective. How were they raised? What was their path in life? This will often let you understand why they are making the statements they are. By getting this, you can understand where they are coming from. People that are not in your world will very often not have the same perspective to you. Remember, that's what makes the world so unique and wonderful.

God's Message 3/16/11

Do not wait; the time will never be 'just right'. Start where you are, work with whatever is at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along

A message for me 3-11-11

You can tell yourself that you have already decided, that nothing now can stop you, but if that step backwards is so much safer than step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot go back. And now, for you, is one of those times.

IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS : We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation,or when we retire. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.

It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.
Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have
and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special,
special enough to spend your time with...and remember that time
waits for no one.

So, stop waiting

--until your car or home is paid off
--until you get a new car or home
--until your kids leave the house
--until you go back to school
--until you lose ten pounds
--until you gain ten pounds
--until you finish school
--until you get a divorce
--until you get married
--until you have kids
--until you retire
--until summer
--until spring
--until winter
--until fall
--until you die


 

There is no better time than RIGHT NOW to be happy.
Happiness is a JOURNEY, not a destination.

So -- work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.

~author unknown~

Apples

-----------------------------------------Woman
------------------------------------are like apples
--------------------------------on trees. The best ones
------------------------------are at the top of the trees.
------------------------------The men don’t want to reach
-----------------------------for the good ones because they
--------------------------are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
-------------------------Instead, they just get the rotten apples
---------------------------from the ground that aren’t as good,
-------------------------but easy. So the apples at the top think
--------------------------something is wrong with them, when in
---------------------------reality, they’re amazing. They just
----------------------------have to wait for the right man to
---------------------------------come along, the one who’s
-------------------------------------brave enough to
---------------------------------------climb all
----------------------------------------the way
---------------------------------------to the top
--------------------------------------of the tree

Women of Strength

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape…
But a woman of strength builds relationships to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything…
But a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of fear.

A strong woman won't let anyone get the better of her…
But a woman of strength gives the best of herself to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future…
A woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be unexpected blessings and capitalizes on them.

A strong woman wears a look of confidence on her face…
But a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey…
But a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.

Author Unknown.

Denial: Who Are We Really Hurting? Haven't We Hurt Enough?

Denial

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Denial is a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence. ^[1] The subject may use:

• simple denial - deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether
• minimisation - admit the fact but deny its seriousness (a combination of denial and rationalisation), or
• projection - admit both the fact and seriousness but deny responsibility.

The concept of denial is particularly important to the study of addiction. The theory of denial was first researched seriously by Anna Freud. She classified denial as a mechanism of the immature mind, because it conflicts with the ability to learn from and cope with reality. Where denial occurs in mature minds, it is most often associated with death, dying and rape. More recent research has significantly expanded the scope and utility of the concept. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross used denial as the first of five stages in the psychology of a dying patient, and the idea has been extended to include the reactions of survivors to news of a death. Thus, when parents are informed of the death of a child, their first reaction is often of the form, "No! You must have the wrong house, you can't mean our child!"^{[citation needed]}

Unlike some other defense mechanisms postulated by psychoanalytic theory (for instance, repression), the general existence of denial is fairly easy to verify, even for non-specialists. On the other hand, denial is one of the most controversial defense mechanisms, since it can be easily used to create unfalsifiable theories: anything the subject says or does that appears to disprove the interpreter's theory is explained, not as evidence that the interpreter's theory is wrong, but as the subject's being "in denial". However, researchers note that in some cases of corroborated child sexual abuse, the victims sometimes make a series of partial confessions and recantations as they struggle with their own denial and the denial of abusers or family members.^[2]

The concept of denial is important in twelve-step programs, where the abandonment or reversal of denial forms the basis of the first, fourth, fifth, eighth and tenth steps. The ability to deny or minimize is an essential part of what enables an addict to continue his or her behavior despite evidence that - to an outsider - appears overwhelming. This is cited as one of the reasons that compulsion is seldom effective in treating addiction — the habit of denial remains.

Understanding and avoiding denial is also important in the treatment of various diseases. The American Heart Association cites denial as a principal reason that treatment of a heart attack is delayed. Because the symptoms are so varied, and often have other potential explanations, the opportunity exists for the patient to deny the emergency, often with fatal consequences. It is common for patients to delay mammograms or other tests because of a fear of cancer, even though this is clearly maladaptive. It is the responsibility of the care team, and of the nursing staff in particular, to train at-risk patients to avoid such behavior

Contents [hide] 1 Types of Denial 1.1 Denial of fact 1.2 Denial of responsibility 1.3 Denial of impact 1.4 Denial of awareness 1.5 Denial of cycle 1.6 Denial of denial 1.7 DARVO 2 See also 3 References

[edit] Types of Denial

[edit] Denial of fact

In this form of denial, someone avoids a fact by lying. This lying can take the form of an outright falsehood (commission), leaving out certain details to tailor a story (omission), or by falsely agreeing to something (assent, also referred to as "yessing" behavior). Someone who is in denial of fact is typically using lies to avoid facts they think may be painful to themselves or others.

[edit] Denial of responsibility

This form of denial involves avoiding personal responsibility by:

• blaming - a direct statement shifting culpability and may overlap with denial of fact
• minimizing - an attempt to make the effects or results of an action appear to be less harmful than they may actually be, or
• justifying - when someone takes a choice and attempts to make that choice look okay due to their perception of what is "right" in a situation.

Someone using denial of responsibility is usually attempting to avoid potential harm or pain by shifting attention away from themselves.

For example:

Troy breaks up with his girlfriend because he is unable to control his anger, and then blames her for everything that ever happened.

[edit] Denial of impact

Denial of impact involves a person's avoiding thinking about or understanding the harms his or her behavior has caused to self or others, i.e. denial of the consequences. Doing this enables that person to avoid feeling a sense of guilt and it can prevent him or her from developing remorse or empathy for others. Denial of impact reduces or eliminates a sense of pain or harm from poor decisions.

[edit] Denial of awareness

This type of denial is best discussed by looking at the concept of state dependent learning.^[3] People using this type of denial will avoid pain and harm by stating they were in a different state of awareness (such as alcohol or drug intoxication or on occasion mental health related). This type of denial often overlaps with denial of responsibility.

[edit] Denial of cycle

Many who use this type of denial will say things such as, "it just happened." Denial of cycle is where a person avoids looking at their decisions leading up to an event or does not consider their pattern of decision making and how harmful behavior is repeated. The pain and harm being avoided by this type of denial is more of the effort needed to change the focus from a singular event to looking at preceding events. It can also serve as a way to blame or justify behavior (see above).

[edit] Denial of denial

This can be a difficult concept for many people to identify with in themselves, but is a major barrier to changing hurtful behaviors. Denial of denial involves thoughts, actions and behaviors which bolster confidence that nothing needs to be changed in one's personal behavior. This form of denial typically overlaps with all of the other forms of denial, but involves more self-delusion.

[edit] DARVO

See also: Victim blaming

Harassment covers a wide range of offensive behaviour. It is commonly understood as behaviour intended to disturb or upset. In the legal sense, it is behaviour which is found threatening or disturbing.

DARVO is an acronym to describe a common strategy of abusers: Deny the abuse, then Attack the victim for attempting to make them accountable for their offense, thereby Reversing Victim and Offender.

Psychologist Jennifer Freyd^[4] writes:

"...I have observed that actual abusers threaten, bully and make a nightmare for anyone who holds them accountable or asks them to change their abusive behavior. This attack, intended to chill and terrify, typically includes threats of law suits, overt and covert attacks on the whistle-blower's credibility, and so on. The attack will often take the form of focusing on ridiculing the person who attempts to hold the offender accountable. [...] [T]he offender rapidly creates the impression that the abuser is the wronged one, while the victim or concerned observer is the offender. Figure and ground are completely reversed [...]  [...] The offender is on the offense and the person attempting to hold the offender accountable is put on the defense." 

Valentine's Day

People doing something romantic on just one, supposedly, "special" day of the year is cheap and empty. Don't we love and cherish that person for the other 364 days?! Doing something nice for your partner on some random day, like May 27, would be special.

Why do we ALL have to express love for someone on one stupid day. Because we are robots? Live your own life, follow your own rules and love whomever you love when you want to.

Ventiquattro domande e ventiquattro risposte

Twenty-four questions and twenty-four replies

Il giorno più bello? Oggi.

L’ostacolo più grande? La paura.

La cosa più facile? Sbagliarsi.

L’errore più grande? Rinunciare.

La radice di tutti i mali? L’egoismo.

La distrazione migliore? Il lavoro.

La sconfitta peggiore? Lo scoraggiamento.

I migliori professionisti? I bambini.

Il primo bisogno? Comunicare.

La felicità più grande? Essere utili agli altri.

Il mistero più grande? La morte.

Il difetto peggiore? Il malumore.

La persona più pericolosa? Quella che mente.

Il sentimento più brutto? Il rancore.

Il regalo più bello? Il perdono.

Quello indispensabile? La famiglia.

La rotta migliore? La via giusta.

La sensazione più piacevole? La pace interiore.

L’accoglienza migliore? Il sorriso.

La miglior medicina? L’ottimismo.

La soddisfazione più grande? Il dovere compiuto.

La forza più grande? La fede.

Le persone più necessarie? I sacerdoti.

La cosa più bella del mondo? L’amore.

The most attractive day?  Today. 

 L' larger obstacle?  Fear.  

The easier thing?  To blunder ones self.  

L' larger mistake?  To renounce.  

 The root of all evil?  Selfishness.  

The best distraction?  The work.  

The worse defeat? Discouragement.  

The better professionals?  The children.  

The first need?  To communicate.  

The larger happiness?  To be useful to others.  

The largest mystery?  Death.  

The worse lack?  The bad mood.  

The most dangerous person?  One that lies.

The ugliest feeling? Resentment.  

The most attractive gift?  Forgiveness.  

The indispensable one?  Family.  

The better route?  The right road.  

The most pleasant feeling?  Inner Peace. 

Best welcome?  A smile.  

The best medicine?  Optimism. 

The larger satisfaction?  The finished duty.  

The larger force?  To Believe.  

The more necessary persons?  The priests.  

The more attractive thing of the world?  Love.  

Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Why God Created Woman From Man's Rib

It’s amazing how God made man, and so beautiful how he made woman!

Why did God create Woman from Man’s rib, when He could
have simply created her from dust, as He did Man? This
is a story that puts a beautiful touch on the
reasoning:

“When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke
them into being. When I created man, I formed him from
the dust of the Earth and breathed life into his
nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed
the breath of life into man because your nostrils are
too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him
so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man
was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with
the creativity. From one bone I fashioned you. I chose
the bone that protects man’s life. I chose the rib,
which protects his heart and lungs and supports him,
as you are meant to do.”

“Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. I
created you perfectly and beautifully. Your
characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate
and fragile. You provide protection for the most
delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the
center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of
life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken
before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man
as the rib cage supports the body.”

“You were not taken from his feet, to be under him,
nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You
were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be
held close to his side. You are my perfect angel. You
are my beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a
splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I
see the virtue in your heart. Your eyes: don’t change
them. Your lips: how lovely when they part in prayer.
Your nose so perfect in form, your hands so gentle to
touch. I’ve caressed your face in your deepest sleep;
I’ve held your heart close to mine. Of all that lives
and breathes, you are the most like me.”

“Adam walked with me in the cool of the day and yet he
was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could
only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and
experience with me, I fashioned in you: my holiness,
my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and
support. You are special because you are the extension
of me.”

“Man represents my image, woman – my emotions.
Together, you represent the totality of God. So man:
treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is
fragile. In hurting her, you hurt me. What you do to
her, you do to me. In crushing her, you only damage
your own heart, the heart of your Father and the heart
of her Father. Woman, support man. In humility, show
him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle
quietness show your strength. In love, show him that
you are the rib that protects his inner self.”

....The Moral of the Story ....

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was

moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.


He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.


But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.


The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.


The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.


He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.


He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.


Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:


What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.


Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.


And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.


The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened


The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?


Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?


What would YOU do?


What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?






Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.


Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.


Now....what is the moral to this story?

                                                Scroll down

The moral is.....
 If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly!